Status: Unemployed, Still

To say that I am bored with my life right now is a complete and utter understatement. I spend my days at my room, in bed, face buried deep on my laptop screen. I mean yeah, who am I to complain that I am not burdened by the hassles of having to get up every single day and work. But goddammit can this be any more less productive? I know I know. I should be working my ass off right now in finding an actual job instead of wallowing in unnecessary streaks of brood. Here I am, complaining on the internet like a whiny little baby, as if this would do me any good. But.. But.. I kind of am clueless. Well actually, I'm a whole lot clueless. I embody the very meaning of clueless. Clueless was made in honor of me. God made the word clueless with my overflowing greatness in his mind. Dammit I love life! 

(a moment to let out a big, fat, heavy sigh)

Okay so where was I. I was talking about how my life is... okay nevermind. 

But setting all dark, fucked up negativities aside, I still like to hope that maybe, by the time I finish writing this, my phone will ring. Like always, with a straight face, I will ever so effortlessly check who it is. I see an unknown number, I frown. Then I answer it with not a single bit of enthusiasm. "Hello?" I yawn. "Yeah this is she." What the hell do you need from me. After a minute or so of boring introductions, I end up jumping up down in joy when he/she tells me that he/she after all, is not just another bored scammer and I actually got the job I was applying for!!! FUCKK YEAAHHHH!!!!! Though still shocked, I shall compose myself, act like the normal human being that I try to be, twirl my hair like a school girl and say "thanks" with unbelievable sweetness. And then I'll hang up, full smile on my face, and I shall dance through the wind like a fucking lunatic. 

Bachelorette

This movie was a complete laugh fest! Imagine three pretty faces (Ehem Kirsten Dunst, Isla Fisher, and Lizzy Caplan) with their pretty hair and pretty dresses and their high heels on snorting coke, smoking pot, having one night stands, saying fuck you like heavily tattooed ex-cons . Now that's my kind of bridesmaids! This movie was also featured in Sundance so you could only imagine that this is some bad ass shit. I'm not even kidding, I was laughing my ass off all through out! 

Gena: What are you doing?!

Regan: I'm matching the thread color to the dress.

Gena: You know what, knowing stuff like that does not 

make you guys cool. It makes you...

Regan: Amazing?

Katie: Gorgeous?

Regan: Incredible?

Katie: God blessed me with perfect tits, 

it's only right that people should know that?

The songs were also pretty dope! This one's my fave! There was this scene where the guy (Clyde) gives a very blunt sex-referenced, but nonetheless sweet speech in front of everyone at the wedding while he confesses his love to her. And then he sings this song to coke-headed Gena who he, by the way, impregnated when they were still in high school. I know, I know, sounds cliche. You really have to watch the movie to see where I am coming from. Haha!

 I'm Gonna (500 Miles) - The Proclaimers

12 Years and Counting

This is a photodump of me and my friends. We go way waaaay back. Imagine being in third grade, with no worries except which socks to wear, or which games to play during school breaks. We were friends then, we still are. And most probably, we will be until like, forevs. Sheeesh!

Rubber Talk

All I'm saying is maybe we push ourselves too hard. Giving self-pep talks every now and then, at times even succeeding. But what we fail to see is the reality that it is no longer a fair and due fight for what we want, but a desperate act for something that is not meant. Or one that no longer is. Seeing the thin line between those two is as tricky as it could get. We were taught to strive for what we want. To stretch the rubber into its maximum malleability. But nobody taught us when exactly to stop. Until it snaps into two maybe? No, that's just sad. It's too hard a lesson to learn when to stop and retreat. I guess ultimately, the question is whether or not one should fight and strive. It all comes down to this: 

Choosing which rubbers to stretch.  

Love vs Labor

My initial reaction when someone accuses me of incapability to love is plain and utter rage. And then disbelief. I mean really? Me? After everything? I'd like to believe I'm doing okay with this whole whatever-you'd-like-to-call-this thing. That's true for most days. But after all that, I cave in and actually end up questioning my track record.

How much is too much? When is enough really enough? 

I am not that spoiled to bail out the very moment I sense potential struggle on my part. If I decide to be in it, I am definitely in it despite any and all possible odds. I can be emotionally malleable if need be. I am willing to bend over backwards just to make something work. I am and can be so many things when it comes to relationships of any sort, but this I am not - a masochist. 

For the record, I am in no way denying the obvious that I have had my share of pain-causing. I admit my words were not always the kindest, my understanding not always largely scoped, my patience not always available. I am not dodging any bullet here. But see, it's only fair to say that there were also a number of things that I did that is not bad or hurtful or resenting. Again, most days I believe I do okay. That I am a good, loving, grateful partner. I wish I could say "that makes two of us". But nah. I may be delusional. Whatevs. 

This war has drawn too much blood already. This has gotten all too exhausting. One can only do so much right? It shouldn't be this hard. I mean yeah, petty fights here and there. That's manageable. Normal, even. But this? This cycle that brings us back to miserable square one is just not right. Any progress ever made gets washed down the drain. It's like unpaid, unrecognized labor. Working for nothing. Where is justice in that? 

And it's just sad the word "labor" was what came into mind.

AnniBirthdaySarry

Birthday slash anniversary date.

Photos were taken through my phone. Can I just say that I am way too amazed by how these photos looked? I mean yeah I edited them but I'm guessing it's because I'm too great a photographer that's why. Ha ha ha.

Went to Bannaple for dinner. We love this place too much. It's so pretty. Anyway, I just kept taking photos I almost didn't touch my food. Haha. So here here! :D